..::an anthropologist ♥::..

if you'd like to sit down and soak up some inspiration and beautifully documented stories on this night, the night before you gather with friends & family to give thanks...i suggest the anthropologist.

i have found a new inspiration & am giving thanks already.

may you & yours have a glorious Thanksgiving day ;o)

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♥ love + luck + bliss,

missysue xox

just some visual aspects of my life as i repurpose my studio & prepare for giving thanks...

my angel of a son trying to console a very upset tubbers, lol.

my sister joined in, as well as crinks & in no time it was a leaf throwing good time.

my tubs & crinks. such beauty. such innocent perfection.

my freckles. and you can't even see them all here. the top of my cheeks and nose are covered. no joke. i used to hate them, but they've gotten worse as i've gotten older, so now i've learned to appreciate them ;o)

this is the meramec river, the one i grew up on. i camped at the side of this river every summer when i was little. i still go here sometimes just to sit and reflect. if any place holds roots for me, it's this one.

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♥ love + luck + bliss,

missysue xox

..::displacement::..

"We loved with a love that was more than love."  ~Edgar Allan Poe

 

i took this self portrait last year. it was a period when i was wildly reckless with hair color and eye make-up. i've been trying to clear out some of my old work that i've outgrown from external hard drive and i'm coming across work i forgot i had done. 

 

at the time when i took this self portrait, i was doing them at least every other day. back then, i thought it was just my creative outlet. a way for me to practice and hone my photography skills. but, now i'm thinking it was more a way of reaching out and finding who i was. it was a lesson in looking at myself and being okay with what i saw. not only okay, but happy. 

awhile ago i read somewhere about a phenomena called displacement of self. this phenomena happens to mostly women and occurs for a few moments usually while the woman is looking at herself in a mirror. they wonder who the person is. can't recognize or attach their mind to their physical appearance. there's many theories on it, i believe. the most predominant theory is that it happens mostly to women who have been abused in some way, especially those who have been abused over a period of years. 

 

1 : the act or process of displacing : the state of being displaced

like you don't know who you are. i've felt it before, especially when i was little. i remember crawling onto the sink, sitting there and staring at myself. wondering who that girl was.

all of the self portraits helped me to see myself and recognize what i saw. the freckles. the glasses. the strange curly hair. the eyes that always seem uneven, one higher, one lower. all me. eventually, i began to see what i always wished was there....the real me. the one who loves me back, nurtures me, believes in me.

i did start a group on flickr for this specific purpose. a place where women could take their portraits and join in a group with other women who wanted to see who they really were. if you're interested, let me know and i'll post the link and then we can all start discovering together ;o)

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other news:
i've posted a new illustration at my art blog.

♥ love + luck + bliss,

missysue xox

..::a quoteful day::..

i realize that some of you might have grown tired of hearing the hoopla about New Moon coming out. i am a fan and i'm sorry, but this post is going to be about it, lol. hopefully, though, i'll be able to make this post into something more than just a drool-fest for the sexy vamp edward.

i was reading twilight back when it hadn't been heard of by most people and i knew back then that Stephenie Meyer was the closest thing to genius in the fiction world since Anne Rice. It wasn't the fantasy that hooked me, though. it was her language. her words. they weren't just words. they were written feelings; angst, sorrow, the joy of falling in love, the broken-ness when it ends. the way you feel like you could fold right into your self. the way that (though it might never fully heal) your heart mends enough to at least not hurt when you breath.

i saw New Moon today and through the entire movie, i was reminded of some of these words, these quotes that i connected with. i just wanted to share some of my favorites.

".....i was unconditionally & irrevocably in love with him." wow. i remember this.

"The absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest." learning to live again hurt. 

"We both know what’s really going on here, Bella, and it’s not good for you. It’s been months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can’t keep waiting for him." an ugly truth

"It was depressing to realize that I wasn’t the heroine anymore, that my story was over." the wanting to give up

"One thing I truly knew—knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest—was how love gave someone the power to break you." i wish i could say i didn't believe this.


"I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy." i know this blasphemy

"It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that." love never makes sense. lump everything you know and choose what makes the least sense, and usually that's the path that will bring you the most joy.
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i don't have much more to say tonight. i feel very inside myself here, as i listen to the silence and try to wrestle with the words that are filling my head. it's funny the impact words have on me. it can make it hard to exist sometimes, lol.

love + luck + bliss,
missysue xox

..::unbalanced::..

this particular piece was for illustration friday. it began with the girl and then for some reason, a deer came into my mind........and as i sat there and wondered what else needed to be added, the only thing I could think of was "target".

*this image is not an endorsement or an objection to hunting. it's just what popped out onto the paper with no thought as to any political view. just wanted to state that for the record, lol.

It's striking and quite odd to me. i've never really sketched anything like this before and for some reason, i think it might haunt me when i lay my head down tonight.

P.S. Peanut loves it. LOL

P.P.S. Wrestling tonight was quite the show. I tripped and fell on my face. Peanut (being the angel he is) rushed to my side and asked if I was ok. After waiting for me to say i was okay, he promptly broke out into a fit of laughter that I was sure would give him cramps. I raised him right.

♥ love + luck + bliss,

missysue xox

..::words that don't fit::..

i've decided there are a few words that no longer belong in my life, coming out of my mouth. though i can't say i hate these words, because, honestly, i love words & can't hate anything. but, these words, these hurtful words are done having a hold on me.

afford.
settle.
refrain.
no.
employment.
means.

there's more. so many more self-restricting, soul-breaking words that i use on a daily basis or think about on a daily basis.

the thing about a blog is that you can share the best parts of yourself without revealing any of the "messy" things unless you so choose. you can pick apart the routine & break it up into a bunch of lovelies, so that anyone who happens to visit might be in awe of your life, maybe a little envious.

i could pretend here. i could make it seem as though i never worry about money. i could make it seem that everyday i wake up feeling refreshed and renewed and that i get dressed, put make-up on & conquer the world right here in my studio or outside in the world. as of late, i've visited an almost overwhelming amount of those types of blogs, lol.

the truth is, i don't want to pretend. i'm a normal girl. one who worries about money. one who hopes with all her heart that she's being a great mom. one that gets lonely. one that is not always happy. and, one who hasn't worn make-up in at least two months.

i'm happy right now. this post isn't meant to be a depressed one, but more a calling to my authentic self. assuring me that it's ok to not know it all all the time. it's ok to not have it all in the bag. it's ok to be a little adrift sometimes. because in that void, that space between knowing it all & having it all together.....that space is where i find myself more & more each day. where i find bits that, when pieced together, are forming something i've never been before.

words are powerful. they can hide in your thoughts and feed negativity. i have to train my brain to be aware of what it's spinning. everyone enjoys a good yarn, but not when the cost is an emotional one. money comes & goes. you're always either going to have a little, alot or just enough. your thoughts are priceless. your words are a forever imprint on your soul.

are there any words that you'd like to cut out of your vocabulary?

love + luck + bliss,
missysue xox

..::solid ground::..

think i might have caught that solid ground. ;o)